Between Here and There

We did a little remodel on our house last summer. What had originally been a wide open entryway is now a smaller, insulated hallway between the entry door and the door that leads into the kitchen and the rest of the house. The entry is a storage place for coats, hats, boots, etc… and a transition zone between the outside and the inside. In a perfect world, it would keep the elements (snow, rain, mud, leaves…) outside and the heat inside.

Well. You can probably guess how that’s going.

The world is perfectly imperfect and our tidy plan to keep the outer mess from mingling with the inner mess has not really worked.

The renovations were complete last spring, but it was late October before I noticed that when you go out of the kitchen door, close it behind you and then open the outside door, the kitchen door pops open again. You then have to take a step back and close the kitchen door again before you can slip through the outer door, trying to close it without disrupting the inner door. As the temperatures dropped, this inconvenience became increasingly obvious. The entryway is not heated and the double bursts of cold air into the kitchen whenever someone left or entered the house alternated between frustrating and humorous. After several weeks of increasing attention to this “problem”, I finally realized that there was some sort of message beyond the doors and their faulty handles that I was supposed to be paying attention to. I paused and asked myself. “What’s the teaching for me here?”

As soon as I asked this question, my attention to these partnered doorways became curiosity rather than frustration. I began to think about thresholds and the nature of transitions. The common saying “when one door closes, another opens” was literally true in my home. Now I was considering how it was true in other aspects of my life. Was there some wisdom here that could support me in the transitions that are constantly arriving in my life?

Could I be more intentional about both the opening and the closing of those doors? 

Can I turn to face the door closing behind me with gratitude and acknowledgement of an ending?

Can I face a newly opened door, or even an unopened door, with curiosity and courage?

How could I best support others in walking through doors that had opened for them or closed firmly behind them? 

I began to notice that life is full of thresholds both big and small. In the program that I manage, a student announced she was leaving. A non-profit where I have served as a board member has decided to fold. A colleague announced her departure and a recruitment process began. My son, a high school senior, got news of being rejected from his first choice college one evening. A few hours later, he received news of acceptance to two other wonderful options.

As we greet a new year, I am weary. It has taken a lot of energy to face the constant uncertainty of the last few years. I have often thought about the way in which one threshold leads directly to another and another…you can read an old poem about that here.

But I am also renewed and refreshed by this new perspective, this invitation to pay attention to the quality of my presence at the threshold.

As I step into 2022, I will endeavor to acknowledge the closing doors with gratitude for lessons offered and gifts received. And I will aspire to greet each opening door with curiosity, patience, and kindness.

May the threshold of this new year offer you a moment to pause too – a moment in which you may glance back at the closing doors with gratitude, forgiveness, and peace and look ahead toward all that awaits with loving intention, ease, and hope.

Settling In

The autumn season has felt slow and luxurious this year. In Maine, the days have been blessed with summer’s lingering warmth even as the days grow shorter and the nights colder. The extended garden season has meant that we were still eating cherry tomatoes and strawberries through last week. It is an oddity to taste the sunlight stored in the tender red flesh as other plants are going to seed and the leaves on the surrounding trees are turning red, gold, brown, and yellow. But as I let the sweet berry mush linger in my mouth, I recognize the goodness of Creation and know that it is an invitation to remember that I too belong to this cycling.

The protracted late summer/early fall weather has also meant that I have continued to put out generative energy. This urge to be productive is not just in the garden; As a mother, a wife, a daughter, and an administrator, I readily respond to the urge to produce, to contribute, to throw my arms open wide to harness all the love available to me and offer it back to the world. This is, after all, what I am here for. Yet the longer nights and shorter days are telling me it is also time to slow the pace, to send some energy to the roots, and let the seeds that have been scattered this season burrow into the soil. My soul is yearning for the nesting, the grounding, that autumn invites. It is time to turn inward and tend the inner knowing that quietly sustains and informs through every season. I am tired and ready for the rest of long, cold winter nights. It is coming.

This week we observe Samhain, the mid-point between the Autumnal Equinox and the Winter Solstice. With each day, we are moving ever closer to the longest night of the year. The veil between the worlds is thin and life and death engage vividly in their slow, loving dance.

At sunrise, I will light a candle to celebrate the season of abundance and take stock in the gifts of the light. I will offer gratitude to the earth that sustains me and the plants and animals that share my home-space and nourish my body.

At sunset, I will light the candle again to welcome the arriving darkness and will again extend my gratitude. This time my prayers of thanksgiving are for the ancestors who came before me, the teachers who have guided me, and the Mystery that unites us all.

The gifts of all that was and all that will be mingle in All That Is. I see it in the garden and the forest. I feel it in my body. I know it in my heart. And again, I sigh and give thanks.

The Orchid Blooms Again

orchid bloomsThere are 26 blossoms on the orchid on my desk. This is only the second time it has bloomed in the almost five years that I have had it. The first time it bloomed, I watched the stalk that would hold blossoms emerge daily. I observed each bud as it expanded into a small orb and eventually into a bright purple pink blossom. And I kept track as each blossom emerged, opened to the light, and then turned translucent, withered, and fell to the desk. You can read about the first time it blossomed here.

This year, I have barely noticed. Well, that’s not quite right. I have absolutely noticed that the orchid is blooming but I have been avoiding its gaze, unwilling to be pulled into its brilliance. I walk by with my eyes averted and haven’t sat at my desk all summer. Over the last few days though, I have been drawn to the orchid’s brilliance, curious about what it has to teach me — both in its splendor and in my avoidance.

I think there is something here of abundance that I can’t quite face. And something of beauty — and of the pain and joy of love — and of finitude…

Today, I am sitting at my desk for the first time since the orchid began to bloom again in June. It is time to take it in. I have looked each flower in the eye, counted the blossoms growing on 4 stems, appreciated the nine evergreen leaves that are feeding them, and watered the woodchips that hold it all. I am basking in the glow of these 26 blossoms. Radiant alone and a stunning celebration together, there is a reminder here to hold my arms open wide to the fullness of life.

For months, I have been managing the abundance in my life with my head down, unable to meet its gaze or embrace its fullness. Afraid that the busy-ness of work and life coupled with the mess we have made of our planet could overwhelm me, I have only been able to look at it all sideways. I have been skirting along the sidelines, doing my part to keep all the pieces afloat but not allowing myself to notice or appreciate my own immersion in the water.

Today, as I bask in the abundance of the orchid, I recognize that in the immersion, there is a fullness that invigorates. There is no doubt that it also feels overwhelming, but I feel assured that the fullness holds me even as it pushes at me. I notice both great joy and great sadness and I feel my heart stretch to accomodate them both at the same time. In this immersion, I feel myself carried away into something that is beyond myself. It is where and how I can give myself away to all that is beyond me. It is then that I can meet life in its fullness. It is what I am here to do.

As I step away from the desk and the orchid (for now), I can face my to-do list and the disturbing news headlines with new energy and capacity and renewed commitment to be fully present to all that is. This abundance of need, hope, and possibility ~ in the garden, in my work, in my family, and in the wider world ~ can be met with clear eyes and a complete gaze. I will return to the orchid when I need a reminder.

Where can you turn for reminders of abundance and capacity?

Emerging in Love

At Beltane, the mid-point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice, the gathering light and heat of the season are coaxing growth from the warming soil and nudging us out of our winter cocoons. In this season, we celebrate fertility and look forward to the growing season and harvests ahead. Our own energy, nurtured by a winter of reflection and dormancy and stimulated by sunlight and warmth, is also ready to burst forth. To me, this is love – emerging from the ground, blossoming in the trees and singing from treetops – swelling in my heart.

At the same time, we are preparing to emerge from just over a year altered by Covid-19, a year marked by grief and loss, isolation and fear…and also by incredible acts of generous and creative love. Individuals have stepped forward in countless ways to support one another, keep one another safe and advocate for one another.

We have been reminded that love is not only a disposition, it is a discipline. Love manifests in our daily acts of kindness and generosity – our work for justice, getting dinner on the table for our loved ones, bringing dinner to a lonely neighbor, holding the door for the person walking into the store behind us, smiling gently at the driver who cut us off on the highway.

As we take our first tentative steps toward re-opening, it feels useful to reflect on how we got here. I recently re-read a long list of questions that emerged last March when we first began to respond to the Covid-19 pandemic.

*I do not have any answers, but I am sitting with openness, curiosity, and a strong belief in our capacity for change. Hope lives here. I offer some of it to you:

As we spend more time in our homes and local communities,

         What bridges will we build?

         What support will we offer to others?

         What support will we need from others?

As we notice the impact of our lives on the lives of others,

         Will we claim our participation in the web of life?

         Will we remember the legacy of survival that ensured our lives?

         Will we remember that we will one day be the ancestors in someone else’s story?

As we recognize our depth of responsibility to the interconnected human family,

         Will we also notice our connection with all living beings?

         Will we notice our interconnection with the living, pulsing earth?

         Will we notice that we are, in fact, One?

The lily and tulip spears nudging their way through the barely thawed soil in my yard are a prelude to the new season. May we also enter the season as neophytes, open to the promise and surprise of our own unfolding.

*Excerpted from  Arriving Here: Reflections from the Hearth and Trail.

Spring Poetry Series, 5

5

This aching body

Is familiar and brand new.

It arrived slowly

over forty-eight 

Years and thousands of miles

Bones, blood and muscles

Full of accumulated

Work, play, exercise and rest

This body knows things

This body knows when

Recovery is needed —

More often these days.

 

For today, I will

Pause. Soften, Relax, Retreat.

A treasured fullness.

Spring Poetry Series, 4

4

Notice the greens! Shades

I had forgotten about 

During the long winter

Brighter and deeper

Each day a new breath

Life living itself

I too shall inhale

As this season of promise

Unfolds and invites

Participation

In this renewing cycle

Opportunity.